Quit The Silent Struggle
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Silent struggle is prolonged self-endured pain and struggle. Such a manner of hardship is experienced in solitude, without sharing, opening up, and relying on a trusted one. To struggle in silence means to suffer with great difficulty and great efforts, as well as express violent efforts or wrestle/contest in the face of these challenges or opposition—which results in depression, anxiety, trauma, and any form of loss. If you’ve ever struggled silently, you can identify with the pain that such solitude, or better put, alienation, brings. What makes it worse is when you don’t even know how to ask for help to get out of such a situation.
As a continuation from our last article that shed light on why it is difficult for Daddyless daughters to ask for help, our focus this week is to support you with the tools you need to break such a cycle. Breaking the cycle of avoiding asking for help requires some depth of self-awareness, being intentional about your created lived experiences, and without a doubt, seeking outside support from a trusted community. Some steps to help you overcome these deeply ingrained patterns are:
1. Recognize the Source
The first step in breaking the pattern is recognizing and understanding the source of the fear or resistance you have with asking for help. In other words, where is this fear, resistance, or hesitation originating from? Was it modeled for you? Was it a learned behavior? What is derived from a sudden emotional impact? Reflect on past experiences with abandonment, rejection, or hyper-independence. Acknowledge the emotional weight these experiences carry and recognize that these feelings do not have to dictate your present behavior.
2. Reframe Your Conclusions
Reframing is one of the best ways to get unstuck. As humans, we have the power to view things from multiple perspectives. And what better way is there than to frame your experiences to uplift and empower yourself? Reframing helps you make sure that you are working on the right problems. Culturally, especially in this part of the world where I currently reside, we often celebrate individualism. However, asking for help does not mean you’re incapable. It’s an acknowledgment that none of us succeed alone. Start viewing asking for help as collaboration rather than dependence. This mindset shift can reduce the anxiety that comes with
3. Develop Solid Trust Level
Fatherless daughters may feel that trusting others is risky. It is one of the big issues. The insecurity that comes with the low trust level is crippling. However, building or being a part of a support network is crucial to overcoming hyper-independence and the dysfunctional beliefs never serve you. Start by identifying people in your life who have proven to be reliable and trustworthy. Form meaningful connections with those who value you for who you are, not just what you can do. If you do not have any to rely on, consider being plugged in to the growing GEM Daughters Network, a love paradise filled with hearts that connect, a zero-judgement zone with arms opened with compassion and care, a brave zone where you meet others who are experiencing or have experienced what you are going through—shared understanding is certain!
4. Bonus: Seek Professional Help
For many, the fears and doubts that accompany being fatherless are too deeply embedded to be unraveled alone. Professional therapy, counseling, or coaching can offer a safe space to explore these feelings and develop healthier patterns. My transformation and purposeful journey began when I sought coaching and counseling, experienced deep teaching, took depths of excavation, and eventually relied on my spiritual source completely. You can do the same, trust me! You can do the work. It is possible to break this pattern if only you lean in. Feel free to reach out to us (info@gemdaughtersnetwork.org) if you desire to work with one of our expert and experienced coaches.
Here Are Some Actionable Steps:
Journaling can be a powerful tool. Start by writing about early childhood memories, especially those that involved a lack of support or guidance. Identifying these moments can help draw connections between past trauma and current behaviors.
Set a small goal to ask for help once a week. Whether it's reaching out to a colleague for advice or delegating a task, practice asking in low-stakes situations. Over time, this will rewire your brain to see help-seeking as positive.
Attend professional networking events or join groups where you can share challenges and support others. This will help normalize the idea that asking for help is a natural part of success. The more you are surrounded by others who offer and ask for help, the easier it becomes to practice it yourself.
Find an expert and experienced therapist/counselor/coach who specializes in childhood trauma or father-daughter dynamics. Getting professional help can provide invaluable tools for overcoming fear, understanding emotional triggers, and developing healthier coping mechanisms. Reach out to us to get the support you need!
Being a fatherless daughter or even a woman (in general) comes with unique challenges, particularly around asking for help. But it’s essential to remember that you are not alone, and the barriers you face can be overcome with intention and support. By recognizing the roots of your fear, reframing your mindset, building a trusted network, and seeking professional guidance, you can break free from the patterns of hyper-independence and thrive in both personal and professional spaces.
After all, asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it’s one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. I leave you with one of my favorite words: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." —Matthew 7:7.
Go forth, dearest one... Lift your head and ask away!
